The New Girl on the Block – Queen P
- Must be able to recite the chorus to Dr Jones by Aqua
- Must have no problem talking openly and honestly about The Three P’s (pooing, periods and penis size)
- Must identify the line between discussing The Three P’s and over sharing
- Must bring something new to the dynamic as fiery redhead, blonde bombshell and Dirthouse analyst are already taken
- Extra points for owning any of the following: Vitamix, dehydrator, magic bullet.
Not only is Queen P one of the most genuine, selfless and beautiful people I have ever met… but the girl can eat!! This is how we bonded on our first night together in the DH.
Although I hate to admit it I was rejecting her like I did with every other form of change when she walked past my room with which could only be described as the most amazing looking pizza ever.
New girl’s got herself a tasty pizza hey I thought to myself cooly, maybe I should go downstairs and make sure she doesn’t get any of the tasty pizza on my
shitty old nice couch.
So I followed the hypnotic smell of hot salami downstairs where after a few minutes of me lingering awkwardly in the kitchen she kindly offered me a slice.
One slice turned into four and before I knew it I had basically eaten the entire thing.
“Shit, I’m sorry I ate so much” I said highly embarrassed by the fact that I couldn’t control my own mouth.
I was also ashamed because over four slices of pizza I had gotten to know a little more about this pretty stranger who turns out was a lot more like me than I thought. The fact of the matter was that she was actually very lovely and I’d just eaten the only food she had in the house.
“No worries” she shrugged
“There’s another one in the oven that should be about done” she got up off the couch and opened the oven, the tantalising smell of meat and cheese erupting into the house.
“Oh, do you you have a friend coming over?” I asked suddenly aware that Queen P may have friends outside of the DH.
“Nah I usually eat a whole one by myself and didn’t know if you were going to be home or not so I made another just in case”.
Oh. My. God.
“By the way do you like magnums?” she smiled placing the second pizza down on the coffee table in front of me.
And that was it.
We instantly bonded over our love of food and our superhuman ability to eat ALOT of it, a gift that we are now using for good not evil. 10 days Paleo and counting!!
But how did she get her nickname? What does the P stand for? Well you’ll be happy to know that it has nothing to do with The Three P’s.
You might remember a post Queen B wrote for HOB at the end of last year. It was a recount of her weekend away at Nelsons Bay. Believe it or not Queen B met Queen P during the weekend at a P themed party where B went as Pamela Anderson. Ring any bells? Refresh your memory here.
Queen P stands for Queen Protractor! She was the legend that turned up decked out in a giant piece of cardboard.
Although I miss Queen K dearly, like the school uniform incident sometimes change is inevitable and although its hard to see at first it’s usually for the best.
Now I realise that green actually compliments my skin tone, indirectly making me more attractive in the Tinder photo where I’m wearing teal. Similarly as a direct result of change I now have a new friend in the city.
Moral of the story is whatever change you’re experiencing now, embrace it! Although it may be challenging at the moment, you might find that it’s exactly what you need to steer your story in the right direction.
Welcome to Heaven on Bourke Queen P