The Lingerie Diaries: A French Designer, an Italian Supplier, a bag of Loubs and a Latex Stocking


It’s not everyday that you’re asked to lube up your own leg in the name of research, however in my line of work outrageous requests are almost included in the position description. 

It’s Wednesday morning and I’m responding to an enquiry from a man wanting to try on corsets, when Maple HQ’s French designer approaches my desk with a black shiny thing concealed in plastic casing. 

He unfolds the glossy latex strip and places it in front of me.

“Can you please try?” He asks handing me a bottle of silicone lubricant.

With a penchant for pretty naughty things I’m happy to be the go-to girl for trying on new product however i’d be lying if I said latex wasn’t a new concept to me. 

“You want me to try the latex or the lube?” I ask.

“You must put the lubricant on your leg first then the latex, this is our first sample I need to see on the body.”

Okie dokey then.

I slip off my left heel, scrunch up the glossy stocking and put the cool latex over my feet, it pulls on my skin immediately. 

Ah that’s why you need the lubricant.

Next minute our resident Italian is having a heated argument with a supplier, the receptionist is signing for a delivery of lacey suspenders and here I am in the middle of the open plan office lubing up my left leg like I’m basting a big ass turkey. 

The latex finally slides up my skin sucking in everything in sight and before I know it I have a swarm of people around me touching and pulling at my left leg. 

The boss calls for more lubricant to polish the outside of the latex and suddenly I’m being rubbed down like a sumo wrestler before a big fight. 

I feel like the bionic woman, powerful, sexy….invincible. That’s until I lean forward to pick up a bag of Louboutins that are lying in the path of destruction and…

SNAPPPPPPP!

Show. Over. 

Despite breaking the only sample we had, I did have a smile on my face all day.  Did you know silicone lubricant is not only great for shower sex but works just as well as a moisturiser?

All in a days work I tell you.

Paige x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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