Lucky Ivan

So, how do I put this…

I’d been separated from my queens for just over two weeks, apart from a measly group text conversation there was no shit talking, no binge drinking and especially no Saturday night shenanigans. So as you could imagine when I got back from Noosa I was keen as a bean (pretty fucking keen) to spend the whole weekend drinking, laughing and preying on men and women for that matter with my girls.

Therefore, we accepted an invitation for a 4th of July party on the Friday night and tried our best to conger up some Americana themed costumes. Before long it was pretty obvious what the three of us were going to be.

Oh, hold on a second. How absolutely rude of me not to introduce you to the new Queens. I’m not going to lie I had my doubts about them, especially since I don’t like bitches cutting my grass. But you’ve got to give it to this first one, she has an ass like sunshine and hair like er…sunshine also.

So without further ado let me present to you the new, newly single and improved ( I thought she was perfect to start with) Queen L…

BOOM! Jessica Rabbit is in town with a fineeeee derriere.
But wait…who is that beside her? There ain’t never been a blonde living under the DH roof before – what? No! It can’t be – is it? Lady B…

Praise the dirt!!!!

I’ve come home to two smoking hot new roomies who are more fun, filthy and fabulous than ever. It’s safe to say I’m one very happy Queen. As for my hair you ask well I was a brunette when I was born and I’ll be a brunette the day I die – darkness runs thicker than these luscious locks of mine.

So, have you guessed what american icons we’re going to be yet? Well let me give you a hint…


Good morning, Charlie…

Ladies, phones and guns are Friday night clutch essentials

Don’t shoot, don’t shoot!

And if our costumes weren’t American enough for you Lady B’s manicure should do the trick!

Bang, Bang.

It’s safe to say we were in for a wild one…

It was probably the funniest most spontaneous night I’ve had out with the girls in a while, I think a little recap for your reading pleasure is definitely in order:


  • Arrived at 4th of July party exceptionally sloshed
  • Cruised through a sea of sweaty young boys, flashing our pieces (industry word for guns) if they refused to move
  • Shots, shots, shots USA style
  • Leaving 4th of July party and escaping into a shiny black car
  • Being taken to an underground bar
  • Salsa dancing with a tall dark and handsome type
  • Two stock brokers and a journalist
  • The journalists name was Ivan, Ivan writes about debt
  • Champaign, cocktails and more shots
  • A drunken call to one of the stock brokers biggest contacts
  • Drunken ramblings with an advertising tycoon
  • A vanishing act
  • Wait, why is Ivan in the cab home with us?
  • VERY, VERY, VERY lucky Ivan


All i’m saying is that this was the kind of night that called for an emergency meeting on the stairs in the morning.
Moral of the story- Ladies don’t immediately assume that when you meet a man wearing a pink shirt, impeccably maintained facial hair, speaks with a flamboyant twinge and is most importantly named Ivan that he is heterosexual. Gay or not Ivan was the lucky one who ended up taking home a fiery redhead, a vivacious blonde and a mysterious brunette that night and there under the rusty roof of the dilapidated mansion they all passed out peacefully, three Queens and well a Queen.
Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!


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