THE SECRET LIVES OF CITY GIRLS


One chilly Sunday morning, two twenty-something girls in mid-length coats met for brunch at an overpriced Notting Hill restaurant.

Their intentions were clear, to inhale a plate of buttery pancakes and divulge the secrets of their rather public, personal lives.

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“Look at this line.” one girl said to the other.

She wondered why the universe always made her wait for the perfect date, the right job and now a plate of bloody pancakes.

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“It’s just what you do,” said the second girl. “You wake up, hungover, go somewhere stupidly popular and wait in line”.

“Well, I’m tired of it” the first girl moaned angrily. It was clear at this point that she was more than just hangry, and that is when her good friend knew (as girls always do) that her friend was man-gry.

While hangry is usually a self-inflicted emotion cured with a simple serving of chocolate cake, the symptoms of man-gry are far more serious and caused by uncontrollable factors of the male variety.

After an hour of waiting in line, peering through the glass window at the warm patrons already enjoying their pancakes, the two girls were allocated seats at the bar where the rest of the single girls were confined, naturally.

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As soon as they had ordered, the girls launched into a discussion about dating apps.

“I’ve acted like the cool girl, the aloof girl and I’ve even completely ignored them. Nothing works. They either gradually stop replying or drop off the face of the earth after a day or two of good banter. The only guys with personalities worth knowing are also the ones that declare that they’re very short in the first 5 minutes of the conversation” The first girl admitted.

“Yes! I know exactly what you mean.” The second girl said, scooping the chocolate dust off her cappuccino. She too had swiped right for the sweet guy with the megawatt smile only to discover that posing with his nieces and nephews was a strategic ploy to make him look taller than his 5’3′ frame.

The pancakes arrived and the girls went quiet, savoring every delicious bite. Because let’s face it – this would be the most climactic moment they’d probably get for the next week.

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The two friends didn’t always talk about men. As they paid the bill and skipped outside in a pancake daze, they spoke about their new jobs and their upcoming trips to Europe.

Twenty-somethings generally weren’t expected to have their shit together but these girls, like many confident twenty-something graduates, prided themselves on their zestful approach to life and business. No challenge was too big…

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Except for wearing their favourite skinny jeans for an entire morning without undoing the top button.

“Some days I walk around Westbourne Grove with my top button and fly completely and intentionally undone” the second girl admitted.

“What! How?” replied the first girl feigning surprise.

“I wear an oversized chunky jumper that completely covers my crotch, no one can tell”.

And with that, they waddled into the pastry shop for the indulgent icing on their third consecutive cheat day…

A glazed crossaint.

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Being a girl isn’t too much more than talking about brunch, bad dates and irregular bowel movements and while the city itself may change, her attitudes to life, love and anal sex usually stay the same.

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If you want a real insight into the lives of city girls, just catch them in their natural brasserie habitat on pancake day, donning their designer handbags,  sophisticated mid-length coats, and cozy knitted jumpers.

There’s a lot going on underneath the surface of the city girl and an undone fly is only the start of it.

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Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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