Back to Reality: Noosa – Sydney

Another month in paradise gone in a blink of an eye. You can’t say that I didn’t get a lot done this Summer, in fact I managed to tick a lot of things off my list.
  • Went to a festival
  • Which reaffirmed the fact that I do indeed hate festivals
  • Visited Byron Bay
  • Took The Queens to Noosa
  • Performed “I Touch Myself” to my high school peers drunk at the Noosa Heads Surf club
  • Stayed in On The Beach’s luxury ocean view suite…
  • With a boy
  • Used the resort’s pool for the first time as a guest and not as a delinquent trespassing teenager.
Thanks to Mr R and The Queens I felt as though I was seeing Noosa for the first time through fresh eyes. Yeah the Hey Bill snow cone bitches on the beach still push my buttons (only because one of them used to bully me in grade 9) but my appreciation for Noosa certainly increased as did the size of my bum after five days of fine dining.



I didn’t want to leave and seriously considered changing my flights many times but the fact that my life and the mysterious Mr R were waiting for me in Sydney was enough to eventually get me on a plane.

I couldn’t part with Noosa completely so I put my best friend Alana in my suitcase and brought her back home with me.

As soon as we landed we dropped off our luggage at The Dirthouse and headed to Bondi Beach.

A coffee from Icebergs and a lengthy perve at the local personal trainers was enough to get us back into the Sydney spirit.



Later that afternoon we reunited with The Queens, who were ready to show Alana how to (for lack of a better phrase) get loose.

We started off with a bucket of beer at The Bucket list…

And another….

Then changed from beachy (sandy) chic to city (a little more cleavage + higher heels) chic to meet with fellow Noosa girl Rita at Pelicano.



And then Somewhere between a mojito and a margarita I saw him.

“Holy shit” Queen B spat.

“Remain calm” Rita hissed.

All four girls eye balled something behind me. My stomach did a backflip, a front flip and finally a bellyflop as I suddenly felt a warm hand on my shoulder.

“Look who it is” said a familiar voice.

I turned around. And there looking handsome as ever was Bill. We said a few things, the girls said a few things and then just like that he was gone.

Double Bay is Bill’s neighbourhood so I should have known. Maybe I did know. Maybe I was hoping after two months I’d run into him and with the support of my four best friends I’d be ok.
I wasn’t. Very soon margaritas turned into tequila shots and I was really ready to show Alana a good time.
Sometime between 2am and 5am we found ourselves attending an intimate party at The Shangri-La.
A food party that was…

And the rest is just a blur of spag bowl and duck fat fries.

The next morning we woke up with sore heads and tomato sauce stains on our dresses. Feeling less than fresh we dragged our sorry asses back over to Bondi for the Saturday farmers markets. While most of the local talent were sipping green juices and nibbling on bliss balls Alana was busy ordering ‘sticky ribs’.

You’ve got to give it to her…the girl can eat!


We ended the weekend with some drinks at Cruise Bar. After a couple of ciders I was feeling alive again.

Cheers to Sydney!
Cheers to girlfriends!
Cheers to…
*Beep Beep*
A text message flashed up on my screen.
Happy to have you back in town x
That c*nt.
*Beep Beep*
And then another but this one was from someone else.
Hi gorgeous, can’t wait to see you. Dinner tomorrow? R
A good friend is a friend who agrees to one or ten more rounds of drinks in a time of emotional distress. Let’s just say that Alana is the best friend in the world.
The next day I watched Alana get in a cab and drive away in the direction of the airport. I really wanted to go with her but I knew that I had to stay here.
Eventually I covered my disgusting puffy face with sunglasses and a visor and got in a cab to Bondi.

He was waiting for me at the Icebergs with a fresh coconut.

I wanted to tell him that I loved him but he looked distant,

yep back to reality.

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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