Sunday Brunch: Boys, Bacon & Bills


THE BANTER:

Miss T and I met at college and bonded over our love of cheap vodka and slut dropping. While our friendship was mostly a classless affair full of late night debaunchery, it sure was bloody exciting.

At different intervals we both moved to Sydney and late nights grinding against the DJ booth slowly turned into semi sensible evenings exploring the city’s best wine bars.

And then suddenly here we were at Bills café in Surry Hills for the last brunch before she jetted off to start a new life with her new boyfriend in California.

It’s a funny story how she met her new chap actually.

It’s was at yacht week in Croatia. No, not the big, white luxurious yacht that you’re currently thinking of…

Picture something more along the lines of a budget boat, barely floating off the shore, with no internal plumbing mechanism, the type that you need to jump off the side of the boat to do a number 2.

Imagine locking eyes with your future beau while treading water midway through doing a you know what.

Anyway, after spending yacht week together they became inseparable and eventually prince charming flew Miss T back to his home in Laguna Beach…

Where she discovered that he wasn’t only funny, handsome, smart and charming but also came from money.

Don’t you hate it when that happens” I said waving over the cute waiter.

When what happens?” Miss A, good friend and cousin to Miss T asked.

When you find the man of your dreams and straight off the bat there are no lies or false pretences. I mean if you can get a man to fall in love with you at your worst then you can do anything.

Well I didn’t look that bad!” Miss T added stirring her latte.

“Babe you were shitting in the ocean.

*

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THE BRUNCHING

Bills is the type of restaurant you go to for a classy brunch and a classy conversation between girlfriends. However if you have no class and enjoy talking candidly about any of the above then they won’t kick you out.

The signature dish is their heavenly fluffy ricotta hotcakes. I order them every time and without fail they are always mind blowingly delicious. However this time I decided to try something new.

Sorry can you please tell me what the gravlax is?” I asked the waiter eyeing off The Fresh Aussie $26.00.

It’s a type of raw fish…trout cured in salt”.  He explained.

I know I said I wanted something different but I wasn’t yet ready to dive into full on trout territory.

Can I get it with bacon instead please?

Miss A ordered the Bills granola with greek yoghurt and fruit compote $15.50 and Miss T settled for the raw banana smoothie $9.50.

And then the Sunday brunch conversation began…

It was mostly musings about Miss T’s California boy, Miss A’s new housemate and my upcoming London work trip. How much we’d grown since the days of attaching a goon sack to a clothes line and waking up with someone else’s chicken fillet in our hair.

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Look at me now! No chicken fillet in this mane.

After 20 minutes of great banter the waiter reappeared our table with our meals.

I want so badly to say that my breakfast was good, but the sight of a quarter of a brown avocado and a lump of bacon fat was painfully underwhelming especially for Bill’s standard. The poached eggs were also swimming in a sea of poached egg juices. Not at all as appetising as the fabulous flat lay below suggests.

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How’s your smoothie and granola?” I asked the girls.

Delicious!” They confirmed.

Oh well it wouldn’t be the first time that a I had a man bitterly disappointment me.

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5 things you need to know about Bills before you commit to him for brunch:

  1. Bills does sweet well! Everything from the ricotta hotcakes $22.00 to the almond milk chia pot$9.50  is always spot on. Unfortunately there is some inconsistency in the savoury so if you’re a bacon lover be wary!
  2. You’re going to have to wait 15-30 minutes for a table on any given weekend and it is not uncommon for there to be a line down the street. I suggest putting your name down, then going for a stroll around Surry Hills to kill time and work up an appetite.
  3. Prepare to pay more. Despite the sucky meal I had this time round I still love the atmosphere of Bills. But it does come at a premium price so I suggest only dining here for a special occasion or if you have a sugar daddy or just a regular dad who is willing to shout you brunch.
  4. Dress up for brunch! When I’m nursing a hangover I like to brunch somewhere where it is acceptable to wear a moo moo, over sized sunglasses and a pair of Havaianas. Click here. Bills is not this kind of place, you will frequently see people here sporting fresh blow dries and designer bags so dress up a little and pretend your killing it.
  5. For a super indulgent day out…I suggest having a big brunch at Bills before getting Messina ice cream (chuck a right down Crown Street) to enjoy in the Surry Hills park. That way you can eat until the cows come home and talk about boys, bacon and budget boating all you want.

Happy brunching all!

P x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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