The Man(VA)gina

I was having dinner with a girlfriend at Besser, a new Italian bar on Crown St, last Thursday night when we got talking about the US sanctions on Russia.

Just kidding…we were talking about men, the most exciting thing on the menu after 8pm.


My friend, Miss A is a very attractive boss lady in her late twenties. She’s well presented, well spoken and currently taking a break from dating.


I feel like the roles are reversed and we have to win them (men) over now” Miss A said topping up our glasses.


She continued to tell me about this guy she’d been trying to win over with her cute outfits, witty banter and her cool, calm exterior. Miss A said that she’d gone out of her way to make sure they ate at places he liked and would always offer to pay because she hated the awkwardness of splitting the bill down to the exact penny.
When she showed me a picture of this Casanova I was so shocked I nearly fell off my chair. He was a 6 considerably and she was a 10 and I’m not just saying that because she’s my friend.
After four weeks and no bites, just meaningless texts she decided to end the ‘relationship’ and bite back at the modern man.


I feel like I have to wine and dine them…men have vaginas” she said.


Wherefore art thou balls man? 


I’m talking about opening doors, making sure she gets home safely and if you’re not feeling the vibe being man enough to say “hey, this isn’t working”.
Miss A is not alone, I have also started to notice a total lack of chivalry in the city.
Hey baby you’ll be lucky if you get some of this D” a twenty something dude yelled at my friend in a club recently. She asked for a lighter, not your D all up in her V you big dildo.
Once at the end of a date a guy threw me a cab voucher then Facebook messaged me the next day to ask why I seemed upset and wouldn’t reply to his texts.
I wanted to graffiti his public page with the dick pics he had sent me, instead I kindly explained to him why I was unhappy that he didn’t at least walk me to the cab rank, he retorted by saying I should be grateful that he offered to finance my journey home.
FACT: I didn’t need your shitty voucher, I ordered my own Uber black that knew exactly where to take me. Far, far away from you buster!
Rise of the Resting Bitch Face
“Maybe they’re just intimidated” the graphic designer at work said to me when I brought the issue up over our morning coffee.
Maybe he’s got a point. Women are now more powerful then ever. We have great jobs, nice apartments and a drawer full of S&M gear.  Leather whip and cuffs are the bedroom accessory of the 21st century.
But do men really think that we’d laugh in the face of their door opening tenderness?
The only solution
Is to date the kind of man who knows that behind your Resting Bitch Face isn’t a world of bitter dissatisfaction but a lady just waiting to be wooed.
Date men who aren’t intimidated by the modern woman and are happy to do as much wooing as you.If he picks up the bill for dinner, then you take him to Messina and pay for dessert. If he doesn’t like ice cream then there’s always your riding crop waiting to be served.

Take it, *whoosh* or leave it, Sir.


Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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