How to Survive a Breakup with Style


Let’s face it breaking up is a motherfucker. It’s like all of a sudden nothing matters and you become a reckless, raging lunatic and develop bizarre habits like eating in the dark and sliding down walls crying.

For years the most common remedy has been a tub of ice cream, a bottle of vodka and Bridgette Jones’s Diary which you switch off before the happy ending. Everyone has their own way of dealing with a break up, some methods more destructive than others…

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A “friend” of mine gets over a breakup by stuffing her boobs into a bra two sizes too small, going to a slutty club before finishing off the night with a trip to Indian Home Diner where she orders an “Indian kebab” (butter chicken, crushed fried potato rolled up in a saucy garlic naan) It’s a stroke of culinary genius! Or so she tells me 😐

So when I stumbled across a startup business whose aim was to make the breakup process a healthy and motivational one, I though LOL good luck!

We all know the only way to get over a breakup is to treat ourselves worse than how we were being treated before. Wait. That can’t be right?

If Jesus was a loyal girlfriend you always have brunch with on Sundays she would say “The only way to get over a breakup is to accept what has happened, respect yourself and move on.

But how?

Introducing THE BREAK UP BOX

 

A treasure chest that will inspire nourishment, nurturing and healing, and a reminder that we all deserve to allow ourselves the best chance at stepping forward into the next chapter of a fabulous life.” BB.

When the big box arrived on my desk it sparked conversation with both my female and male colleagues.

“That’s such a great idea!” our Operations Manager said. Despite being a boss lady and looking like Beyonce even she had experienced her fair share of heart ache.

“What’s in it?” Our resident sexy, charismatic male Graphic Designer asked curiously.

Wouldn’t you like to know!

Like a treasure chest I carried the box home carefully and placed it on my bed before slowly untying the big white bow.

It reminded me of Christmas morning, unwrapping my presents and being over the moon with a handsome ken doll.

These days men who don’t have balls don’t impress me much.

Luckily there were no man parts to be found, only a treasure trove of lovely, pretty things.

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The Audrey Box $100 includes:

  • An indulgent SOH Melbourne 100% soy candle, hand poured in a large premium 350g jar. Burn with company and wine.
  • Pinky, the world’s most beautiful vodka.
  • Original Frank Body Scrub – because every babe needs a little bit of love!
  • Green Smoothly Co. mixers – these green powered babies will get you glowing from the inside out.
  • Pana Chocolate – Raw. Organic. Handmade. Need I say more?
  • Selection of three Affirmation Cards to inspire you daily.
  • The Seventh Duchess Bora Bora Daydreamer Tea to invigorate the senses and leave you refreshed and smiling.
  • Scrumptious Soak Society scrub with its soothing scent and natural healing powers or a mini box of Lavender Seeds, the  a feeling of calmness, unconditional love & inner warmth will be right by your side.
  • Shanghai Suzy Lipstick in Miss Bree pink blush, Miss Christina Neon Guava or Miss Mia Foxy Hibiscus – for when you’re feeling fabulous again.

It was a Friday night and my binge drinking, club hopping, Indian kebab eating “friend” was calling.

Could the content of this box inspire me enough to resist the urge to go out and drown my sorrows?

I lit the delicious candle and sashayed into the kitchen with the pink vodka in hand.

A lady should always have cranberry juice in the fridge incase of a UTI or…COSMOS!

A splash of lime juice here and a dash of Pinky vodka there (warning the bottle is so cute you will want to use it sparingly).

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I kicked off my heels and switched on the TV. Sex and the City marathon “Yes please”.

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I watched a couple of soul nourishing episodes with my block of Pana chocolate. Pana chocolate will blow your mind, not the top button on your jeans. It tastes divine and is completely sugar free and guilt free.

Then it was time to take this party to the bathroom. I find there is nothing more relaxing than a long bath and a cup of tea.

Cue a cup of hot Bora Bora tea, lashings of Soak Society healing bath crystals and Frank body to scrub away the bullshit.

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The next thing I know the combination of a bath, a burning candle, a cup of tea and a drop of vodka has made my eyelids heavy. Destructive drunken kebab eating thoughts begin to fade away.

I wake up naturally and check my phone several times, I can’t believe that its actually 7 am on a Saturday.

I make myself a green smoothie because I’ve woken up this early and why not kick some goals?

Then I actually accept my friend’s invitation for an early brunch, something that I would usually cancel for a couple of hours of extra sleep and self pity.

Before I leave the house I check my brows and apply the blush pink lipstick which instantly gives me a rush of confidence. Cue sassy selfie…

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And then it dawns on me…I have literally had no penis thoughts since I opened this box.

As loyal girlfriend jesus would say “That my child is a miracle”.

Your girlfriends play a big part in the breakup process and I wish that someone had sent me this gesture when I was breaking up with anyone of my Mr’s!

So resist the urge to drown your sorrows in cheap champagne and heal your heart quicker with a little bit of pink vodka and a lot of love.

For all my beautiful readers you can get 20% off your Breakup Box by adding the code bbspring at the check out.

Send a Breakup Box to yourself here

Send a Break up Box to your girlfriend here

And on a final note: Don’t let any fucker ever get you down. If you need someone to talk to you know where to find me. Hello.

Love,
Miss P x
Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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