Forget That Idiot! Comfort Food 101


Unfortunately this ^^^ is easier said than done. No matter what he did or didn’t do, initially that idiot is going to be hard to get over.
It took a rather brash intervention to remove the idiot from my life. Three Queens sitting on the couch not looking at me as I entered the room. They knew where I’d been and weren’t going to give me the satisfaction of letting me talk about it. As you know I’m a bit of a talker so things escalated quickly.
“Look at your fucking knee!” – I fell over…whilst hypothetically and quite literally chasing my idiot.
“I know, I know.” I said. Because I do know what I’m doing is wrong but it just feels sooo right (who’s the idiot now).
“He’s a fuck wit for indulging in this little fantasy of yours” Queen L
“You don’t mean anything to him” Queen B
“Honey just please forget that idiot” Queen K
They were right, I had nothing. I’d played the but he’s…kinda famous, a really good cook, has amazing abs and has just become an author too many times.
“Bottom line, he’s really old and needs to be with someone on the same level.” Queen B being Queen B always has the last word but not this time.
“bu..bu..buttt I am very mature for my age.” I splutter before fleeing up to my room, slamming the door and proceeding to sulk in front of my fireplace. Very mature indeed.
The next day I woke up at 1 in the afternoon, exhausted. I knew that something had to change especially since my idiot was now not only destroying my sanity but was also disturbing the peace within The Dirthouse.
As a peace offering to the Queens I decided to make the filthiest, carb infused dinner. This dish is the perfect way to say I’m sorry, I know I fucked up lets all just forget about it and commit sweet, sweet carbicide. Trust me, it usually works.
Β 
Comfort food 101
First of all since there is no longer a man in your life you’re going to need not one but two big, hard chorizo sausages. The perfect length and girth is essential for maximum satisfaction.
You will also need:
A generous amount of baby spinach leaves
Bocconcini
1 cup of pesto
A bag of white pasta (so unhealthy that its almost translucent in colour)

Dice up your sausage into thick chunks

Chuck into a hot pan – you only need the tiniest dash of oil to lubricate your pan before you begin to cook the meat.

Cook pasta remembering to add a dash of salt to the boiling water.

Once pasta is cooked remove the water and add the pesto

And your cooked chorizo

Roughly chop spinach, channeling all of your anger and frustration into the knife. Damn that idiot. Make sure not to chop your finger off…you will need them later for when you’re flipping the bird at his Facebook picture. Too much?

Stir in the spinach and cheese

Serve to the people who love you…the non idiots most commonly known as your girlfriends.

Use the healthiest food you can find as a non edible centrepiece.

 

 

Cheers to life and good friends.

Sit back and marvel at your spectacular coma inducing creation. Enjoy every bite of it and don’t you dare feel sad/angry/guilty because you are amazing and you need to learn to not be so hard on your beautiful self. Life is simply too short.

If you can’t forget that idiot just yet, don’t worry. In time it will get better and easier. For now make sure you pay extra attention to the finer things in life. These things include chorizo, drinking water out of wine glasses and knowing that there is the right kind of idiot out there for you.

 

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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