Farewell Queens – Part 1


You know that horrible feeling you get when you wake up the morning after something really bad has  happened?

Your face is still numb and swollen after shedding what feels like an ocean of tears, time has past but nothing has changed and then there’s the question that one question that rings violently in your mind
What am I going to do next?
I look at the sign blocking off my balcony DANGER DO NOT ENTER, I hear laughter outside my bedroom door and alarm bells ring in my mind danger do not enter. My only choice is to stay here, stay in the room I always wanted, in the house I always dreamed of and if I never leave nothing will change.  Right?
12 hours earlier.
We are all hanging out in the living room watching SATC re-runs when we hear something smash hard down onto the floor. After a few brief moments of confusion, Ms L stands up and cautiously peaks around the corner.
“Oh my fucking god” she gasps
My stomach drops, what is it?
“A massive piece of the roof has fallen in” she exclaims
“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me” says Ms B walking into the scene of the crime to see for herself
“What do you mean fallen down?” Ms P, the relative new comer questions looking intently at me for answers.
I’m shocked but not completely surprised, I’m sure I heard a noise coming from there this morning.
We all go in to check it out. It appears that the roof below the upstairs bathroom has rotten away and caved in. Soot and stray pieces of timber continue to fall from the hole to the ground where our yoga mats and running shoes used to be.
“Thats fucking it!” Ms L snaps
“Call him” She looks at me and by him she means our landlord.
I spend 20 minutes on the phone with our landlord but to no avail. I get the same response that I get every time. He tells me that its all fine and he will send someone over Monday (It’s Thursday). The girls all glare at me intensely as I talk to him on the phone, you can see that all of them, especially Ms L are hungry for answers.
I finally end the conversation and shake my head.
“Well what did he say?” Ms L ask still standing in front of me.
“He says if it’s just damp it will dry out, he’ll come around Monday and check it out but for now just close the door.”
“Just close the fucking door?” she erupts.
“Just close the fucking door and pretend as though this house isn’t a piece of shit thats falling down around us.”
We are all silent and for some reason I begin to feel ashamed.
“It’s an old house” I manage to say focusing on a piece of fluff on the ground.
“It’s a piece of shit Paige”
“She’s right” Ms B chimes in and all of a sudden I feel like it’s a personal attack on me.
“We need to move” Ms B continues
“There are plenty of other brand new places out there that are cheaper, like that one I saw in Randwick the other day for $890 or something a week.”
The thought of moving back to Randwick makes me instantly want to punch a wall.
“I don’t want to live in Randwick, I want to live on Bourke Street.” I say looking at Ms P who is sitting silently in the corner merely observing the conversation. I suppose as the newest member of the Dirthouse she doesn’t quite understand what’s gone on in this house.
“Come onnnn Paige” Ms L laughs
“You can’t live on this fucking street forever.”
Just when I think she’s about to strangle me her voice softens dramatically.
“I know that you love this house, but we need to leave.” She says finally taking a seat on the wooden stool.
“I know,” I say quietly.
“I know we will eventually have to leave but I can’t just yet ok?”In my head I’m thinking that we will move out but only to move up, up the street like I had always planned since I first came to this house three years ago.

This is clearly not what Ms L wants to hear as she storms off to her room. Ms B shakes her head then follows. I hate it when they pair off like that.
Ms P and I sit in silence, both pretending to be immersed with whatever is on the television screen.”I’m sorry about this” I say finally before retreating up to the Queens Quarters.

Who am I kidding? I’m not a Queen. This is not a mansion. It is a piece of shit terrace house that is falling down and with it, slowly crushing everything.

TBC…
Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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