DIRTHOUSE FOR SALE


I’ve tried to write this post many times to no avail…

So for a moment I need you to pretend I’m that guy off Love Actually, standing at the door to your Dirthouse with picture cards and music.

Are you ready my twinkly eyed Keira Knightley? Let’s go. 

2014
Shhh Say it’s carol singers…
Remember Noosa boy? Life Lesson No. 1 You can indeed find Mc Dreamy in the small town you grew up in and Life Lesson No. 2 Men should never shave their chests.
The Dirthouse Queens finally visited Noosa to get ‘loosa’ and pose under my mother’s Bali inspired cabana that every second woman in Noosa has. “Smile Sweeeeetiessss“.
Anddd Back to the city…
Ms P short for Ms Protractor moves into the Dirthouse. Like a bunch of 12 year old boys we instantly fall for her long blonde locks and stealth drunken antics.
I manage to lose my only form of photo ID and as a result am forced to spend Valentines Day alone when my ex boyfriend cancels on me. HOB Trivia: Who’s more pathetic him or me? Him, him, him!

From part time blogger to full time #girlboss, I take on my first legit full time job at saucy lingerie brand, Maple HQ.

Ms L & Ms B announced their departure from the Dirthouse to travel around the world.

And I have small breakdown.

Discover that the Shangri-La solves all of life’s problems except for financial ones.

POOF! ‘The delicate Art of Dragoning a Man’ was born

 

 

More life lessons of a career gal kind. Life Lesson No. 3 It’s easy to lose 3 kgs when you first start a full time job & Life Lesson No. 4 It’s Much easier to gain 5 kgs when you get comfortable in a full time job.

 

Spend close to a week’s rent on a trendy juice cleanse…learn the hard way that ‘Green 3’ is code for mower grass clippings and purified dissatisfaction. 

Revert back to drinking cocktails and eating multiple bar snacks. 

Meet Mr P.S and inner monologue begins in my head “He’s so dangerous yet so delicious” “Let’s start planning your future with this man”.

 

See picture of the Dirthouse Queens in Paris, which makes me want to slide down the wall crying.Roof falls in at the Dirthouse and Landlord puts half a pool fence across my balcony and DO NOT ENTER sign.

 

Decide instantly that this will not deter me.
Psycho killer breaks into the Dirthouse and threatens to kill us all (true story). Move out the next day.Find a new house, move everything onto the street and watch people sift through our history. Have a quarter life crisis all in the span of 1 week.

Flee the country on a direct flight to London.

 

 

Exhaust 10 years worth of annual leave trying to be Gary Pepper Girl or Tullula Vintage.

Fail miserably and block the toilet in Saint Germain Des Pres with small yet powerful tampon.

Somewhere between the Love Lock Bridge & the Louvre, Ms P sends me an email which reads “Dirthouse up for sale, pic of your room on the sign out the front.” 

 

Cry in the line for the public toilets.
Short Italian getaway interlude… 

 

Fly 24 hours back to Australia with broken TV and small baby next to me. Consider slipping quietly out the emergency exit. Remember that I still have 2 out of 4 things every girl wants in the city: a career & a handsome lover. But what is life without A Dirthouse and your Queens? 

 

We all arrive back in Sydney  at the same time and reunite in the Dirthouse one last time to sign the bond release form. And drink lots of cheap champagne.

Realise that after 3 years, a dozen dating horror stories between us, countless memories and 1 blog, that this is the end.

 

 

Spend the first night in my new, freshly painted secure apartment with Ms P.
Have a Heaven on Bourke identity crisis and ask myself the question: If it’s not a food blog, fashion blog or an I’ve got a hot bod blog then what is it?Well my dear reader…

It’s a i’m-learning-how-to-do-this-thing-called-life blog with a touch of please-don’t-let-this-be-another-bad-date blog and a whole lot of how-do-I-make-a-career-for-myself without the turning-into-a-bitch-and-forgetting-about-the-people-who-really-matter. 

Yes it’s a work in progress but show me one 20-something gal in Sydney who isn’t.

2014, I couldn’t have done it without the mysterious Mr. P.S,

My magnificent muses…

 

And of course you.
What’s on the menu for 2015? Who knows.But universe if you can hear me, I’d like to put in a simple request for a web developer, an idea that will make me a million dollars and some more chest hair for the men of Australia.

I’d also like to lose 5 kg…for real this time.

Here’s to the next chapter, whatever it may hold…

Paige xx

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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