Birthday Surprise

You know you’re sick when you tie your hair up with a rubber band. You feel that corse, nastily thin little circle of latex rip strands of hair out of your scalp and cause untangle-able knots but you don’t care because it keeps stray splashes of vomit from penetrating your locks. 
I had a rubber band embedded permanently in my hair for an entire day after I ate that slimy, salmonella infested little fucker. A large chunk of hair is not all that I lost, three kilos also slipped down the toilet at my parents house. This seems like a positive ramification of food poisoning, but after experiencing some of the worst cramps/nausea/lack of appetite during two of the biggest events of the year I was convinced that there is nothing good about being sick. 
The two big events that just happened to coincide with one another was Easter (the only day of the year where it’s actually acceptable to binge on chocolate) and my birthday which in terms of birthdays was actually a massive milestone. 
I kid you not there was actually a point when my head was in the toilet bowl and my eyes glued shut as to not come face to face with last nights dinner that I thought baby jesus, is this some kind of sick joke? Is this a challenge? A test of endurance, stamina and my mums new fragrant toilet spray? 

In my delirious state I took it as exactly that and persisted through over a dozen bouts of vomiting, to somehow come out the other side… 
On April 20th I emerged from my bedroom, hair finally untied to an abundance of beautiful gifts. It was my birthday and I hadn’t spewed for exactly 6 1/2 hours, it was official I was now a woman. 
Although I received many beautiful presents, many of them designer (lucky me!) the most amazing gift had absolutely no label but my own. 
Dad had a letter box made with the Heaven On Bourke logo. He told me that for now it’s purpose would be to contain all of my paper work, forms etc pertaining to this blog and eventually one day it would be the letter box out the front of my real heavenly Bourke Street house. Naw thanks daddy for keeping the dream alive!
That night I was all smiles at an intimate dinner I shared with family and close friends. The only time I broke my composure was after the two photos below, where I dry retched into the laundry sink after inhaling some champagne.

It wasn’t the wild night that I was expecting but It was wonderful. Everyone ate and drank and enjoyed themselves and I watched from the sidelines with my champagne glass of chemist brand electrolytes. 
The next day I was faced with the unimaginable. Not only did I have left over Easter eggs but I also had left over birthday cake and bubbly. As my appetite still hadn’t returned I ate none of it! 

So there it remains in my fridge untouched by me, the amount slowly depleting as my 17 year old brother rampages the kitchen after school and my dad looks for a snack to go with his afternoon coffee. But I guess thats what being an adult is all about its about having parties for other people to enjoy and seeking fulfilment from the satisfaction of others as they take bite after bite of your delicious chocolately  rich, with the perfect amount of creamy buttery icing milestone birthday cake.

Thats it where’s my goddamn cake!

Don’t be disappointed by the lack of celebratory event coverage, you will never guess what I have planned for this weekend when I get back to Sydney and reunite with the Queens.

The best is most definitely yet to come.


Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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