Wisdom Teeth Woes: LADIES ONLY

WARNING: This post contains highly unglamorous and graphic content. If you’re a man or my boyfriend, Jamie Dornan please avert your gaze now. If you are a modern woman with a penchant for honesty and a mouthful of wisdom please continue reading…

Who would have thought that getting a few teeth out would give my vagina depression or despite my restricted diet of air, pain killers and soup I wouldn’t lose more than one or two kilos? Here are five important things that my handsome dentist and even the almighty google failed to tell me about having my wisdom teeth removed…

5 Things They Don’t Tell You About Having Your Wisdom Teeth Removed

  1.  If you have a cute new boyfriend or girlfriend now is NOT the time to test the limits of your relationship. Think it’s all French onion soup and ice packs administered by a loving hand? Ha! Think again…
  2. You don’t lose weight because you don’t poo and that my love is sad but true. After a stressful few weeks in Sydney living off takeaway food I was excited to shed the weight I had put on with my post surgery liquid diet. To my dismay on my third day after surgery I discovered that the combination of a low calorie intake and a high dosage of pain killers can leave you severely constipated and if there’s one thing us girls hate more than missing a shoe sale it’s being unable to go to the toilet! If pooing is important to you too discuss with your dentist, nurse of GP ways to relieve constipation during your recovery.
  3. Where there are antibiotics there is a yeast infection waiting to destroy the balance in your vagina. If you have three or more wisdom teeth removed then you are likely to be given a potent course of antibiotics that must be taken every day for a week after your surgery. While they do a great job at destroying the nasty bacteria in your mouth, they also eliminate the good little bacteria responsible for keeping things cool as a cucumber in your vagina. Don’t be surprised if you begin to experience the annoying symptoms of a yeast infection several days after you start taking your antibiotics. The best thing you can do is to take probiotic capsules leading up to your surgery to prepare your body for the course of antibiotics. Disturbing yet true yeast infection story – Once upon a time in college a friend of mine developed an awful yeast infection, too afraid to face the cute pharmacist she resorted to a college remedy. She stole a tube of yoghurt from the cafeteria and lathered it on her vagina. While we partied it up in the Valley she spent the entire weekend lying in her dorm room with a fan facing her va jay jay. Moral of the story? If you begin to experience thrush like symptoms, swallow your pride and walk yourself up to the prescription counter at your local pharmacy. This method is a lot more effective for reliving discomforting than any tub of college yogurt.
  4. After day three breath on only your greatest enemy. The experts advise not to brush your teeth for 24 hours after your surgery but what they don’t tell you is often you can barely open your mouth for the first three days. After a major extraction your biggest priority will be to rest and nourish your body with nutrient dense soups and juices and controlling the pain becomes your biggest worry. To eliminate bad breath, talk to your dentist before your surgery about the best ways to keep your mouth clean after your wisdom teeth have been removed.
  5. Like a true damsel in distress you may faint mid wee if you don’t look after yourself properly. Going from a high calorie diet to only consuming a cup of soup and a bowl of ice cream a day can cause havoc on your body. The most stressful moment during my recovery was on day two. I woke up from a long and much needed nap and headed straight to the toilet only to almost pass out mid wee. It is paramount during the first few days after surgery that you take it really easy. Always keep your head elevated while you sleep and sit up in bed for a few minutes before you get up and use the bathroom. The first 3-4 days of the healing process is crucial to your long term recovery so go easy on your body!

I am now on day 11 after having four impacted wisdom teeth removed last Thursday and finally starting to feel like my sassy self again. While I still can’t dive into a bag of potato chips this entire experience has really helped me to appreciate my body and it’s incredible healing abilities.

For all of my lovely ladies planning of having their wisdom teeth removed: Preparation is key! So, ensure you have everything you need before your extraction including the recommended dosage of pain killers, delicious soups and plenty of movies. All of the above will help you to reduce those post surgery blues and have you back in your stilettos in no time.

P x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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