Let’s Talk About The Top Heavy Girl…


I’m just going to say it, I’m sick of empathising with the beautiful bottom heavy girls of the world. So you’ve got yourself a skinny waist and a bootylicious tush? Just put a little sarong around that derrière and you look like Beyonce in the Drunk in Love film clip. Meanwhile I’m sitting over here in a Billabong rash shirt licking an ice cream praying that the fat doesn’t go directly to my back. 

In the age of the Kardashians it’s all about the booty woes of the 21st century and as a top heavy girl I simply cannot relate to this bottom heavy misery. That’s not to say that us top heavy girls don’t have insecurities, usually they’re not hidden down below but bubbling on the surface somewhere between our belly, chest and upper arm area.

While bottom heavy figures are twerking it on every film clip, the top heavy body shape is rarely discussed in the media. So let’s stop with the squats and talk about the top heavy girl for a minute…

The Top 3 Struggles of the Top Heavy Girl (Apple Body Shape)

Just to clarify, a bottom heavy girl can also be referred to as having a pear shaped figure while top heavy girls typically have an apple body shape. The features of an apple (top heavy) body shape are a larger bust, broader shoulders, narrower hips and a less defined waist. While the most common struggle of a pear shaped girl is getting those jeans over her booty, there are also many woes apple girls experience from carrying most of their weight on the top half of their body.

Struggle #1 When sitting down in a rollercoaster ride a bottom heavy girl looks light as a feather while a top heavy girl looks like a breastfeeding mother.

Struggle #2 While a top heavy girl is happy to slap on a pair of Kylie Minogue gold booty shorts and do the Macarena, her greatest fear are those spaghetti strap singlet tops from Supre. Do not ask her to wear one of those ever!!

Struggle #3 While a bottom heavy girl is the Queen of the bikini top selfie, a top heavy girl’s favourite game was ‘legs or hot dogs?’ before it became socially unacceptable on social media.

Okay there are obvious pros and cons for having both figures, so how do you make the most out of your top heavy body shape?

I like to look to famous apple shaped babes like Catherine Zeta-Jone, Elizabeth Hurley and Kate Winslet for inspiration. Of course they have very fit, skinny versions of the apple body shape, more like an apple core than a full apple but I’ve still picked up some fabulous tips from the way they dress.

On a personal note I try to stick to a Paleo diet to keep my figure lean and healthy when I’m not busy binge eating wine and pepperoni pizza. Since I can remember my ultimate goal aside from becoming an author, a better person and saving the world is to be able to work out in a sports bra. You know, the ability to be able to run past a group of beautiful people with a glossy flapping ponytail, sun kissed tan and lean exposed arms and abdomen.

Until then I guess the question is…Top heavy, bottom heavy, what should it matter if you’re happy? There’s nothing more empowering to me than seeing women like Lena Dunham and Amy Schumer embrace their bodies. It’s a bold and courageous statement that makes me want to tear off my Billabong rash shirt like a modern day superhero and join the bottom heavy babes on the beach.

Questions for you: How do you feel about your body shape? What piece of fruit does your glorious bod resemble? Have any tips for the apple girl? Email me at paige@heavenonbourke.com xx

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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