Ladies: Switch off the Porn & Read Erotica.


To my dismay Qeen B recently made the executive decision to phase out all erotica in Maple boutiques.
I can’t say I’m a massive collector of the sophisticated smut that lines our velvety walls but I do appreciate it’s place in our lives.
If you’ve ever read erotica or as my high school english teacher once called it “naughty fiction” you’ll know that shit can be pretty damn hot!
Particularly for women.
You see our brains don’t work the same way as our male companions – as I am sure you are aware.
Without repeating what relationship self help books have already engrained in us, men are visual and women, well we are all in our fucking heads.
Yes a good porn flick can be wildly entertaining but it still gives us time to think which, in turn can deter from the intensity of the fantasy.
Scenaro A
It’s been a long week at work and you come home to your beautiful, respectful, strong lover…the rabbit.
You open your computer screen and click on the most recent upload in Redtube or whatever is readily available to you.
Roll the cinematic masterpiece which is 21st century porn.
For a male the ride stops here (the mental ride that is) with his d*** in his hand he mentally checks out and just immerses himself in the tits and ass until a quick climax sends him into a short term coma.
Unfortunately this isn’t the case for you.
You on the other hand begin watching the film and immediately start constructing mental notes about…
The actress’s appearance, real boobs? Nah fake.
Oh a landing strip – that looks good.
God she’s a bad actress, but you have to give her props because
Ah! Not up the a**
Hmm actually…
Ok this other position is nice.
Maybe I can search for something more specific “role play” – A officer and a gentlemen perhaps?
Unless you can find something specifically targeted to women with more chest hair and less fake “Oh Yeah’s” it  becomes a mission within it’s self to do something that ultimately is mean to excite and relax us.



Scenario B

It’s been a long week at work and you come home to your beautiful, respectful, strong lover…the rabbit.
You open a book of erotic short stories written by women for women and start reading about an illicit affair between a girl and her superior.Did I just see your ears prick up you naughty girl?

Erotica is great because when you’re reading you don’t have the capacity to analyse every little detail. In fact with every suggestive, descriptive and just down right dirty word you begin to create your own fantasy, just the way YOU like it.His tall, broad stature, the texture of his hair, his big muscular hands. The intensity of his stare and soon the ideas you paint in your mind become directly responsible for what you feel down there.

Oh yeah…down there!

I get it, these days reading is so old school. Why concentrate on reading a book when you have super fast wi-fi and can watch real people doing it for free!?

Because unlike porn, when reading erotica there is still room for imagination.

Like we said in lesson 1 ladies – When it comes to arousal imagination isn’t as integral for a man and that’s why porn is greatttt for them.

In his perfect sex scene there is a girl, with a vagina, that works and when he’s done she squirts! Hooray roll the final credits.

In her perfect sex scene there is a build up of intense, undeniable sexual tension. There is a sideways glance, a cheeky smile, then the slow yet firm undressing and depending on her book it’s anywhere from there.

One day someone will make great porn designed to stimulate the female brain and it will be easily available for every woman and her rabbit.

When this day comes porn will win in a naked mud wrestle with erotica hands down.

But with all the anal bleaching and fake orgasms in the world I don’t see this day cuming anytime soon.

Get it!?

Cuming!!

Ahha.

Anyway if you want to stimulate your brain and your hot spots head to your favourite sensuality boutique and pick up some erotica today. Only $5 a pop at all Honey Birdette boutiques. Thats a steal.

Love always,

me x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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