God Save The Chest Hair!
I think I’d like to be the first one to put up my hand and say – what the fuck happened to hairy men?
I’ll admit when I was younger chest hair didn’t do much for me, in fact I thought it was reserved for very old people like my dad and a creepy swimming teacher I once had who looked like chubaka in his speedos.
Oh, how the times have changed!
These days I cling to the hope that the man I’m seeing has really anything to cling to at all may it be a small brown tuft or a blonde glimmering shag pile.
Now boys, I’m not saying that i’d go crazy for a chest that rivals Alec Baldwin’s in his glory days…
…although I probably would mind if you were equipped with a big gun 😉
But, all I’m really asking for is some proof that you have passed the boyish Aaron Carter stage and you’re well on your way to becoming a man. I do understand that some men can’t grow chest hair and many won’t sprout their first crop until late into their twenties however, I find this all the more reason to cherish what you’ve got.
If you don’t have chest hair, hey don’t worry because you still have several other areas of your body that are absolutely covered in the stuff! – Wrong.
When I was in year nine I had a friend named Fiona who was honestly a bit of a sluz (sorry fi fi) and she would take a razor to school in case her legs spontaneously decided to get hairy between the hours of eight and three thirty. One day we were sitting on the oval and I looked down at my semi hairy legs (mum forced me to wax up until around age 15) and I turned to Fiona who was discretely running a dry razor back and forth over the tops of her legs and I found myself asking her something along the lines of – why the fuck are you doing that?
And I remember her looking at me like I was the most ignorant, pathetic person in the world (it’s weird I actually got that look a lot from people when I was 14) and then she grabbed my hand found an obscure spot on her leg and rubbed my hand up the bare piece of skin (no this did not result sexy girl on girl action) and then she said – see Paige although it looks soft it’s actually spiky and boys don’t like girls with spiky, hairy legs.
Like, I knew boys don’t like full blown hairy legs but even a little bit spiky was out of the question?
Flash forward nearly a decade later and I’m on a date and I’m performing all the right moves to show him that I’m interested – the laugh then the subtle hair flick and slight arm graze and what!? wait a second, that shit is spiky as hell, not just Fiona slight regrowth leg hair spiky but full blown abrasive. And then I look down at my own arm where there is an abundance of hair, its blonde but its hairy and for the first time in my life I think shit, should I be getting rid of this too?
No, the answer is no! If you also answered what the fuck, and are you fucking serious you’d also be correct.
Since when did we all get so hell bent on removing all the hair from our bodies? If you’re lucky from me you’ll get smooth legs, underarms, a nice eye brow wax and a very well maintain chu cha but my expectations of men are a lot less. If you’re up with the times you might man scape every now and then but other than that I just don’t care.
I know that I speak for a lot of women here when I say that one of the main reasons why we are attracted to the male species is because they are not high maintenance creatures. Since the beginning of time men have had hairy chests and for good reason, an abundance of chest hair was probably like a fury cloak to protect against colder climates or a wiry trap used to catch flying insects and stray pieces of food. Obviously times have changed but I promise you there is still a massive place in our hearts and beds for hairy chested men. In a world where men are beginning to wax their chests, pluck their snail trails and shave their balls it seems that to have even a splash of hair on your chest is becoming taboo especially for the younger generations.
So as a very concerned 20-something year old girl I want to take a stand and say no! Boys don’t let hair become confined to the chests of gross old swimming teachers and the occasional super hero (Henry Cavill let me lick you) rock a bit of growth next time you’re hanging out on the beach or wearing a nice tee because like the ancient fly trap mechanism you’ll find that women are just waiting to get caught up in a llll that manliness, much more than they’re willing to get injured by your spiky regrowth.
If that hasn’t convinced you – ladies, men, but mostly ladies I have got two words for you…