Behind the Scenes of a Lingerie Shoot


There are at least a dozen people running around this stylish Onslow House set including a photographer, videographer, people who erect Christmas trees for a living and a drag queen disguised as Santa.

Our striking blonde model seems perfectly at ease with one boob out and a make up artist rubbing sparkly tan into her left butt cheek. Meanwhile I’m having a mild panic attack that I’ve forgotten something…

Mental checklist begins:

  • 12 lingerie sets
  • 6 pairs of hosiery
  • 1 pair of loubs
  • 4 bottles of French champagne
  • Leather cuffs, collar and flogger
  • 1 silver platter
  • A dozen freshly shucked oysters.

If you’ve ever wondered what it’s like to go behind the scenes of a lingerie photo shoot, I’m here to tell you that it is every bit as fabulous as you’d imagine.

Let’s start at the beginning…

8:00am

Everyone arrives on location at a luxurious house in Potts Point with a coffee and run sheet in hand looking pretty ordinary. Everyone except the model who looks flawless even in her jeans and sneakers. The make up artist unpacks her MASSIVE, totally lust worthy make up kit and the model takes a seat.

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8:30am

I unpack the boxes of lingerie and lay them out in order. Tip: Never put the model in a pearl thong or ouvert knicker straight up. Only put her in the more revealing styles once she has warmed up.

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9:00am

Time to go and purchase a little French liquid courage. It’s now mid morning and I have to find a liquor store to purchase four bottles of bubbly. This would be a problem if we were shooting anywhere else, lucky for me Kings Cross is only a few blocks up. Ta da!

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9:30am

Three women rush past me in a festive uniform carrying a Christmas tree and several bags of decorations.

It only takes us 5 minutes to erect it, then it will stay up for hours

*Cough, cough*…THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID!

9:35am

The tree is most certainly erect and the place is now buzzing with excitement. A chubby bald man in his early thirties prances through the door and commands the attention of the room. “Santa’s here sweeties!

Somehow I suspect that this Santa doesn’t have a Mrs Claus. The man disappears into the bath room with a big suitcase. A colleague tells me that Santa is a drag queen she found at Stonewall.

09:50am

The model is ready. The photographer and videographer have finished doing their test shots. The make up artist is on stand by for any loose curls. The stylist is prepping the presents and the clients (us) have all taken position on the king bed.

10:00am

Light, camera, Santa! Where’s Santa?

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We can’t do a ‘Santa Baby’ Christmas photo shoot without the big man himself. Suddenly the bathroom doors fly open and Santa makes his grand entrance looking pretty damn good and not like a an ex go-go dancer at all.

11:00am

After an hour of shooting the photographer stops suddenly and declares that something is not working.

“Santa, he looks too…nice.

We come to the conclusion that we can’t whip Santa with the leather paddle or a flogger. Not because we don’t want to but because the shopping centre won’t allow it on the windows. I wonder why?

Okay, let’s keep it PG and just tie him up with rope.

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This is a PG rated photo that has been blurred for your safety.

11:30am

I’m sent to get the freshly shucked oysters from a popular restaurant across the road called The Fish Shop.

How can I help you?” the handsome Manager asks as I approach the counter.

I need enough oysters to fill this silver platter, please make them look pretty as they’re not for eating”.

Everyone in the kitchen gets a little kick out of the fact that their prize oysters will soon be in the hands of a drop dead gorgeous lingerie model.

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12:00pm

I realise I’m walking across a busy road at lunch time holding a silver platter of oysters. Soon I draw the unwanted attention of a group of tradies.

Hey baby gimme some of that!

Hey sexy, are they for me?

I want to tell them to eat a bag of dicks but instead I keep my composure and make it back to the building.

12:30pm

I place the platter of oysters on a rug in front of the model. She mentions that she hates oysters and then we start shooting.

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1:00pm

We stop briefly for lunch which is probably the most normal thing I’ve done all day. Except for the fact that Santa is now taking cute mirror selfies.

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Werk it Santa werk it!

2:00pm

While everyone else is busy shooting in the other room I take a few sneaky snaps. Not as hot as the model and definitely not as saucy as Santa.

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3:30pm

I get amongst the action to take ‘behind the scenes’  shots for social media.

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4:00pm

Midway through the last set the stunning model comes up to me and hands me her phone.

“Do you mind taking a few Snapchat photos for me please?” She asks sweetly.

“I want my ex boyfriend to see them.”

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Being able to take photo’s of a woman with the most flawless body knowing that at some point her poor ex boyfriend was going to stumble across them on her social media feeds and probably feel worse than he’s ever felt in his entire life was an absolute honer and a privilege.

It was the perfect end to a fabulous day. And to top it off Santa told me what I was getting for Christmas…

Free drinks at Stonewall.

Yay! Thanks Santa.

Miss P x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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