ASK MISS P: WE HAVE A WINNER & IT’S DEFS NOT THE GUY MENTIONED IN THIS POST


Thank you to everyone who submitted their stories, questions and comments for the Ask Miss P comp. I have loved reading your submissions some hilarious and some heartbreaking however there can only be one winner. Raise your glass of pinot noir to Miss L for sharing her story of unrequited love. We’ve all been here…

Miss P, help! I’ve been friends with a certain smouldering man since high school. We’ve always had that ridiculously steamy, sexy chemistry, the kind that everyone else notices. After 7 years of dealing with this situation, we were both totally single and finally did the dirty. This started as a naughty, once every few weeks romp and I finally asked him at the end of last year where it was going. I love a good friends with benefits relationship as much as the next girl, but I have always had a lot of feelings for this guy so I just had to know what the deal was. His response? “I don’t see anything serious happening between us, you should just enjoy being single.” Umm, excusez-moi? I attempted to stop contacting him because I didn’t see the point in pursuing someone who didn’t want my glorious self as their girlfriend. That lasted maybe a day. Then something happened at the start of this year and we were talking everyday, seeing each other once or twice a week to cook each other dinner, watch movies in our pjs and then not be able to keep our hands off each other. This has been going on since about March and I don’t know what to do. Part of me feels like I can be a totally single lady and flirt with other men because he hasn’t asked me for a commitment; but I don’t understand how he could want to see me constantly and get upset when I can’t be with him, yet he said he didn’t see anything serious happening between us. What is a girl to do, Miss P? Just enjoy this sexy, fabulous lover of mine while it lasts, or again try to pin him down and ask him to make a decision about what he wants? Help me, Miss P! Xx

Miss L.

Miss L.

Miss L.

Look at me. Ok, look at the computer screen. Now listen carefully.

I apologise in advance for my painfully mainstream taste in music but men like your beau are the reason why I have a playlist on my iPod called ‘Fucker’.

This playlist includes tracks like: “Because of you” by Ne-yo, you know…”Want to but I can’t help it I love the way it feels…tell myself I’ll stop every day knowing I won’t” and ‘Show Me Love’ by Robin S “Heart breaks and promises I’ve had more than my share, I’m tried of giving my love and getting nowhere”.

I had them on repeat when I was going through something similar to what you’re describing to me now. The burning, heart-racing unrequited love affair. Yep we’ve all been there.

Miss L you might call it ‘sexy chemistry’ but I call it a ‘head fuck’ and no modern woman with bills to pay and a bikini line to wax needs that added pain in her life.

Now here it comes…

The ultimatum.

He has been calling the shots for seven years and it’s time to lay your cards on the table and say with perfect vindication “take it or leave it son”.

If he pulls that “you should just enjoy being single crap” again you need to swallow your tears and slowly retreat to the boudoir where I give you permission to eat an entire jar of Nutella. It’s over. If you can refrain from drinking, do not let him see the crazy in you. 2 am texts with Ne-yo love song essays are not pretty, trust me.

I know that the answer is not what you want to hear and I wish there was another way to magically make the one you want so badly love you or disappear. But your thoughts, emotions and feelings are quite obviously being manipulated by this man. He has you in the palm of his hand.

Don’t be surprised if he comes crawling back. They always do.

I can tell you now that the hardest part isn’t letting go of him, the hardest part will be letting go of the idea of him. But you can and you will.

Most importantly you are wonderful and you will find that ridiculously steamy, sexy chemistry (the kind that everyone else notices) with someone who will fight tigers to be with you and only you.

Until then I’d like you to have a lustful new playmate, complete with Please Guide written by yours truly.

Dallas for example may not be able to cook you dinner but he does make a fabulous lover.

Congratulations Miss L you are the winner of the Ask Miss P comp!

Enjoy gorgeous.

Miss P x

Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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