Ask Miss P: MY BOYFRIEND WONT LET ME TICKLE HIS PICKLE!


“Miss P! First of all, big fan. Second, I’m hoping you can help my “situation”.
My boyfriend and I have been together for just over 6 years, it’s been rocky here and there but for the most part we are solid and it’s great. He treats me well, buys me ice cream when I’m sick and will pick drunk me up at 3am no worries. However, there is one problem – sex. Well more so, lack of. I can’t even remember the last time we “did it”. I feel like I’ve tried it all, I’ve got some sexy lingerie (from HB – so we know it’s hot), I’ve tried sexy pictures, dirty texts, walking around nude, trying to molest him in the shower – nothing seems to work! I get brushed off. It’s been like this pretty much 6months to a year after we started dating – so a long time. I’ve talked to him about it, and it’s no big deal to him.ย As you can appreciate, a woman has NEEDS! But I’m in a pickle and don’t know really what else to do? Please share some of your wisdom with me!”

Dear gorgeous Miss C,

First things first. Molesting your man is never the answer.

If you’re familiar with HB you might know that we used to stock a book called Tickle His Pickle but I don’t think you need any help in the seduction department. You sound to me like a sex goddess, prancing around in your lacey knickers snapping saucy shots and I’m sure that after six years you’ve got more than a few tricks up your sleeve. You’ve listed more ways to seduce a man than any book I’ve ever read but in order to solve this “situation” you must sashay away from the bedroom and into the boardroom. It’s time to have a hard conversation with your man.

You’ve already taken the first step by bringing up the issue with him but by the sound of it you haven’t really gotten to the bottom of it. Sure a lacklustre sex life may not be a big deal to him but it is a big deal to YOU.

You can spend the next six years of your life riding solo, in that case I would give you a Dolly (the most powerful solo vibe) or you can have a shot of vodka and that candid chat with your man “I love you but I have NEEDS so please tell me…”

It could turn out to be a number of things, he’s stressed at work or deep down he just wants to be dressed up like a baby and spanked. Either way you will never know unless you ask and I mean really ask.

When you do reconnect I can then recommend you some ON Power Glide for Him (dramatically heightens sexual sensations and increases blood flow to the pickle) and the Duke vibrating gentlemen’s ring for you both to enjoy.

The choice is yours pretty lady.

Good luck!

Miss P xx

Side Note: Thank you for your entering the Ask Miss P Competition, I hope you feel as though you’ve just had a bottle of wine and a chat with your bestie minus the hangover and the 2 am Nutella binge. The winner will be announced on the 15th of July 2015. Good luck!
Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!

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