5 Commitment Woes You Will Experience in Your Twenties
Commitment-Phobe is a label we usually reserve for the hot, unattainable chap who shows a speckle of interest but doesn’t want to take the relationship to the next level because he’s just happy playing the field. I on the other hand like to think that I am totally open to commitment, provided the right thing comes along and by right I mean the first guy I meet on Tinder that isn’t a freak.
But just last week when I received a notice in the mail saying I had to re-sign my lease I panicked. What if in the next 12 months I meet the man of my dreams and he asks me if I want to move to grand ole’ Paris!? How on earth will I afford to pay the ridiculous termination fee?
When it comes to signing our name on the dotted line how many of us commit and how many of us run for the bottle wine and greasy pad thai?
Here are 5 Commitment Woes that you are more than likely to experience in your twenties.
1. Signing a lease. For the first three years of living in the city I rented rooms and didn’t sign a thing. As long as I deposited my 200 dollars a week into some random old dude’s bank account, I was free to leave whenever I wanted. And then last year when I was forced to flee the Dirthouse the only way to move straight into a secure, new apartment was to sign a 12 month contract. I remember being terrified. I thought to myself, I can’t even keep a boyfriend for 12 months, how am I going to keep an apartment? What if I lose my job and can’t afford to pay the six weeks rent termination fee? I’ll have to become a stripper at Porkies.
2. Signing an employment contract. I’ve worked in bars where it wasn’t uncommon for a part-time employee to disappear off the face of the earth. The story would always get back around that she/he had one too many ‘staffies’ and slept with the Manager then decided to never return after the shame of having everyone do shots off their belly button. And I totally respected that decision. Part-time employment gives us a peace of mind that if we ever want to run away and join the circus, we don’t have to wait out some awkward four week notice period. While everyone is secretly thinking fuck off if you don’t want to work here anymore. Warning: If you do get a full time job you will have to sign a contract that instantly makes you an accountable adult. If you shag your boss there is no quick exit strategy. Now, as you were…
3. Committing to a new diet. If I don’t start seeing results in the first 24 hours I don’t want a bar of it. I would rather eat a bar of chocolate instead.
4. Relationships. The first and most important relationship I have is with food. That neon red Coles sign outside my window just lights up my life. Have I ever told you one of my guilty pleasures is escaping to the supermarket to listen to that incredible 90’s playlist while flicking through several magazines for free? A trip to Coles immediately takes me back to the simple days of shopping with my parents where I was always allow to get one treat. The only problem is that now I can’t commit to buying just one treat, I always walk out with $50 worth of treats disguised as life sustaining snacks.
5. Real relationships. Is it just me or does commitment seem a lot more desirable when it is unattainable? I don’t care if you have five children, a lazy eye and a dog, if you’re emotionally guarded and ‘not looking for anything serious’ I want to take all of that shit on.
You might even let it slip after one too many wines with your girlfriend “If *insert flaky guy’s name here* asked me to marry him I’d probably say yes, isn’t that crazy!?” you whisper.
Ah yes, that is fucking crazy. Why? Because if flakey guy was a nice guy chances are you’d find yourself working up the courage to say “Look you’re a really sweet boy but right now I really need to focus on my 12 month lease, four week notice period, failed dieting attempts, snacks list and general chronic dissatisfaction“.
Now having said all of that how can anyone expect us to commit to Friday night plans let alone big life decisions in our twenties? I don’t know what I want in 10 minutes from now let alone 6 months. And don’t get me started on trying to decide what to have for dinner. I want a steak and a cheese platter and nachos as an appetiser.
Let’s face it, you can’t go through life evading long term commitments forever but you can create an exit plan in case of emergency. The amount of times I’ve claimed to have broken my butt to get out of a gym membership.
And well if all else fails there’s always Porkies.