12 Days of Christmas DH Edition – A List of Gifts for all the Guys & Gals on the Naughty List

When I’m not living the fabulous life of a party hoping Dirthouse Queen, studying to be a professional shit kicker or chasing C grade celebrities around The Eastern Suburbs I work in a magnificent toy store…for adults.

Now this isn’t just any toy store but the creme de la creme of sensuality boutiques. My job – to find out exactly what tickles your pickle and then introduce you to a state of the art range of toys that could potentially change your sex life forever. Woah! I know right 😉

I know that not all of you will be able to get down and see me before Christmas, so i thought I would give you the same experience from the comfort of your own home. I’m going to tell you everything you need to know about couples toys, solo play and the essential fitness tools for your vagina so that you know exactly what to get that special someone this Christmas!

After all what better present to give then the gift of multiple mind blowing orgasms? Whether you are looking to spoil your partner or partner in crime (BFF) toys are the ultimate gift of 2013.

*Warning: These aren’t for everyone as much as your boss is probably wishing for a Tiani 2 or a set of Luna Beads this Christmas, she doesn’t want to receive them from you! Hint: If you can’t say the words “anal stimulation” in front of the person you’re buying for, its probably best to just opt for a bottle of wine. Save the good gifts (The toys that will be outlined over the next 12 days) only to the Dirthouse Queens and Kings in your life.

So relax, pour yourself a glass of champagne and pop on the super sexy mad men soundtrack, its time to kick of the…

The 12 Days of Christmas DH EditionA List of Gifts for all the Guys & Gals on the Naughty List

On the first day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
The Rabbit

We all know that I’m a little more than particle to a reference from the holy grail of sex, love and life – Sex and the City. So, I want you all to think back to that episode ‘The Turtle and the Hare’ and that iconic scene that made my friend ‘The Rabbit’ soar to fame and into the bedrooms of women and men all around the world.

The Rabbit is the quintessential vibrator, the perfect combination of of internal and external stimulation.
There is a reason why they sell more Rabbits in the UK than washing machines – it’s a pretty pink pal in the streets but a total animal between the sheets! Although I absolutely love that episode of SATC I can’t help but laugh every time I watch it, not because Charlotte’s addition is totally understandable but because The Rabbit has changed so dramatically since the 90s – for the better!!

Things you need to know about The Rabbit –

  • The Rabbit is a duel-action vibrator for both internal (g-spot) and external (clitoral) stimulation
  • September 22 is actually International Rabbit Day
  • It has come along way since its first debut in the early 80’s
  • There are hundreds of variations of the Rabbit
  • The newest types of Rabbits are made with 100% seamless silicone, are waterproof, completely silent and are fully rechargeable (no batteries just plug in at the wall). 
I think it’s important to note that toys have come a long way since the 90s. They no longer look like big fleshy penises, sound like a lawn mower or clunk out after a few uses. They have developed as much as your mobile phone from a noisy, incompetent brick to a sleek piece of technology made for maximum satisfaction. 
The sleek new Rabbits pictured above are apart of the Swan range. On the left is The Love Swan and on the right is The Kissing Swan. I <3 The Kissing Swan because it actually kisses your clitoris!! 
The Rabbit is perfect for – 
  • Solo play (fancy phrase for masturbation) 
  • As a first time vibrator 
  • Can be used during sex as an external stimulator
Cost –
Anywhere from AUS $50 – $200. 
Ladies I want you to start thinking of bedroom toys as an investment. Yes the idea of paying up to $200 for a toy seems a bit extreme at first but I assure you that the Swan range and other highly quality brands are worth every penny. Sure you can purchase a fairly outdated version of The Rabbit for as little as $50 online but I will be surprised if it lasts you longer than 6 months. Not only do the high quality toy brands such as Swan and Lelo make toys that are beautiful and durable but their products are usually water proof, completely silent and come with at least a 12 month warranty!
Just think of the amount of money you spend on a night out and then compare it to all of the blissful nights in that you could be having with your new friend, The Rabbit.  
The perfect Christmas gift for – 
  • Yourself
  • Your single BFF
On the second day of Christmas my true love gave to me…
Miss P
About me

Heaven on Bourke is a lifestyle blog created by Miss P, a twenty-something author of a Pleasure Guide pamphlet most commonly found in luxe vibrator boxes. True story! She loves to travel between her beachy hometown of Noosa and London's upmarket Notting Hill, where she writes a smut column for a lingerie empire. Off duty, Miss P brunches in the city and dates many interesting characters. All findings on real life, sex and love are recorded in this honest lifestyle blog for your viewing pleasure. Enjoy gorgeous!


Merry Christmas Lovers Xxx
December 24, 2013

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